Dear Kids, It Wasn't You
Dear Kids,
It wasn’t you.
“Oh, you work with middle schoolers? No wonder you quit
teaching!” I have heard this more times now than I can keep track and every
time I correct them. “It was never my kids,” I say, “It was everything else.”
They all say it and they say it because they don’t know any better. They don’t
know that I did everything in my power every damned day to protect you,
to love you, to feed you. They don’t know that I’d stay up at night worried
about you or that I stuck my neck out to protect you from immigration, police
officers, and our school administration. My kids, you were the reason I was
able to make it to work every day. As I struggled with leaving my son every
morning, clinical depression, and generalized anxiety, you made me smile. You lightened my heart and showed me love when I didn’t think I deserved it. My
kids, you are why I held on as long as I did; you are not the reason I quit.
For the first time since I entered the doors of my park
district preschool, I am not packing my back to school lunch and laying out my
first day outfit in anticipation of the year to come. I will not be joining my
friends in the seats of a sweaty auditorium getting pumped up by the staff
talent show and our superintendent’s yearly speech. There will be no
ice-breakers with new staff and there will be no data review of the year prior.
For the first time since I was just old enough to get a library card, I will
not have a “first day of school.” For, I quit teaching this year. I quit teaching
and I am never going back.
But, my kids? It wasn’t you. If there is anything in this
world to be sure of, please let it be that. It was the hours, the lack of
support, and the disrespect from leadership. It was being told by another
teacher that they would have to “pull rank” because her class was “more
important” than mine, and it was the toxicity of it all. But, my kids? It
wasn’t you. It was working harder than I have ever worked in my life just to be
told what I did doesn’t really matter. It was the expectation that I would
continue to do more with less, that I would sacrifice precious family time to
get the job done, and that I would do it all without administration support. It
was the fact that I’d spend more time at work being put down than at home with
the people who loved me, it was the side-eyes I’d get when I offered a
suggestion, and the reprimand I’d receive for standing up for my students’ best
interests. But, my kids? It wasn’t you. This I promise with my whole heart.
Teachers are the most incredible humans I know. There is no
other profession I can think of that works overtime with no pay without a
second thought and few other professions that work harder for less pay. In this
day and age, teachers are expected to raise decent humans no matter students’ home
lives, act as a human shield in the case of another
school shooting, and do it all with a smile on their face and a “Please
Sir, may I have some more,” attitude. And, my kids? I just got tired.
You will have many other teachers throughout your educational
careers, ones that will inspire you and ones that will annoy you but I hope
that somewhere in that list, you will remember me. For you have all been
imprinted in my heart for the rest of time. My kids, if I have taught you
anything, I hope it’s this: You are important, you are worthy, and if you don’t
feel that way, something needs to change. And I needed a change.
But, my kids? It wasn’t you.
With all my heart,
Your teacher
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